I have never enjoyed having to make decisions. I’m what some might call indecisive. But, it turns out, as a mom, I have to make a lot of decisions every day. I have to make decisions that not only affect me, but also affect my husband and kids. Sometimes, this is really hard for me. Tomorrow, Brennan and Brayden will finish their fourth year of school (2 years of preschool, a year of kindergarten, and first grade). They have always been in the same class. A couple weeks ago, their teacher called me and asked me if I wanted them to me in the same class next year or have them separated. I told her I was going to need some time to make a decision.
I talked about it with Nick. Neither of us were sure what we should do. We talked with the boys and asked them if they wanted to be in the same class or be split up. They had different answers. I consulted their teacher. She thought that they had done well together this year, but thought that separating them might give them the chance to find their own strengths instead of comparing themselves to each other. Then, she added that she would be moving up to 2nd grade next year and Brayden was currently assigned to her class, but she asked the principal to let her have both boys if we decided to keep them together. The decision kept getting harder to make! Their teacher is wonderful, and I’ve always been scared that if I separated the boys, one would have a great teacher, and the other would get a teacher that wasn’t so great. After many nights of prayer and lots of pondering and weighing the pros and cons of each choice, I decide it was time to split them up and see how they do.
A few days after the decision was made, I got a call from the school to let me know that Brayden had tested into the challenge program. While I was thrilled that he did so well on his tests, I was also not sure if I wanted him to actually be in the program. While Brennan is very bright, he already thinks he is stupid because Brayden does even better than he does in school. That’s all he can see. He doesn’t see how well he is doing. It doesn’t matter that he has mostly 3.5s in all of his subjects. Brayden has some 4s. It breaks my heart that he doesn’t see how smart he is. It breaks my heart that he can’t see himself through my eyes. I worried that sending Brayden to a challenge class once a week would make Brennan feel worse. However, after talking to the challenge coordinator and going over Brayden’s scores, I just don’t think it would be fair to him for me to not let him have this experience because I’m afraid his brother will feel bad. I’ve spent a lot of night in tears lately because I’ve had to make these two decisions. I really hope I didn’t mess up! Thanksfully, Nick has been there every step of the way and we were able to make these decisions together. I know I’ll be really nervous when school starts, but hopefully it will all turn out ok. I’m so glad I get to be Brennan and Brayden’s mom. I just wish it didn’t involve making so many difficult decisions.